Dealing with Selfish People
No matter what job you have, what friendships you build, or who you interact with, you’re going to deal with selfish people. And let’s be honest, sometimes that selfish person is us! The reality is, dealing with selfish people can be tough. We’ve all been there, right? You’re trying to live your life, be kind, and make a difference, and then someone swoops in and seems to care only about themselves. It’s frustrating, draining, and even make you question your own kindness and choices. But here’s the thing: You ALWAYS have control over how you respond. When I would tell my mom that someone was making me upset, she would always remind me, “no Todd, you’re allowing them to. No one controls your emotions except for you.”
So what do we do? Here’s some advice I’m trying live by…
First off, understand that selfish behavior often comes from a place of insecurity or a lack of awareness. It’s not always intentional. That doesn’t excuse it, but it helps to remember that sometimes, people are just doing the best they can with where they’re at. So, step one: set boundaries. Yes, it’s okay to say, “This isn’t working for me,” and mean it. Your time and energy are valuable, and you have every right to protect them.
Next, keep this in mind—you don’t need to fight fire with fire. Just because someone else is being selfish doesn’t mean you have to mirror that behavior. Stay true to who you are. Be kind, be empathetic, but don’t let yourself be taken advantage of. Lead by example and show others what healthy behavior looks like. Sometimes, that’s the wake-up call people need to realize how they’re acting.
And here’s the hard part—sometimes you have to walk away. If someone continues to drain your energy and doesn’t respect the boundaries you’ve set, it’s okay to create distance. You deserve relationships where there’s mutual respect and care, and it’s absolutely okay to choose what’s best for your well-being. There is a way to do this politely and a way to do this rudely. Always choose the path that reflects who you are inside.
But wait, what about if WE are the ones acting selfish? What do we do when we realize that we’re the problem? Well, when we realize we’re the ones being selfish, it can be tough, but it’s also a chance to grow.
Here’s how I’ve learned to handle it when the problem is us:
Own it.
First, be honest with yourself. Admit when you’ve been selfish and recognize how it affected others. No excuses—just take responsibility.
Apologize genuinely.
A real apology means understanding how your actions hurt someone. Be sincere, be specific, and let them know you’re committed to changing.
Make amends.
It’s not just about saying sorry—it’s about showing you mean it. Ask yourself, “What can I do to make this right?” Then do it.
Learn from it.
Reflect on why you were acting selfishly. Were you stressed, overwhelmed, or feeling insecure? Understand the why so you can avoid it next time.
Forgive yourself.
We all mess up, but don’t stay stuck in guilt. Use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. You can be better, and that’s what matters.
Growth isn’t about being perfect—it’s about learning, owning up, and getting better every day.
Remember, you can’t control other people’s actions, but you can always control how you respond. Set those boundaries, lead with kindness, know when to walk away if necessary, and own it and apologize when you’re the issue. You’ve got this!
