I love music.  I have quite the library of music and a varied list of artists I love to listen to.  My all time favorite lyricist has always been a singer-songwriter by the name of Nichole Nordeman.  Ever since my teenage years, her songs have spoken to the furthest corners of my heart and healed many a wounds.

For the first time in over a decade, Nichole just released a new album of music (and a near perfect album if I do say so myself).  But there was one song, that from the moment I heard it, every word breathed into me, gave me hope. It’s a song called “Sound of Surviving”.  You can watch the lyric video below, but I’ll also list the lyrics here…

“They told me
I’d never get to tell my story
Too many bullet holes
It would take a miracle
These voices
Inside my head like poison
Trying to steal my hope
Silencing my soul

But my story is only now beginning
Don’t try to write my ending
Nobody gets to sing my song

This is the sound of surviving
This is my farewell to fear
This is my whole heart deciding
I’m still here, I’m still here
And I’m not done fighting
This is the sound of surviving

These pieces
The ones that left me bleeding
Intended for my pain
Became the gift You gave me
I gathered those pieces into a mountain
My freedom is in view
I’m stronger than I knew

And this hill is not the one I die on
I’m going to lift my eyes and
I’m going to keep on climbing

This is the sound of surviving
This is my farewell to fear
This is my whole heart deciding
I’m still here, I’m still here
And I’m not done fighting
This is the sound of surviving

I’m still here
Say it to the ache, lying there awake
Say it to your tears
I’m still here
Say it to the pain, say it to the rain
Say it to your fear

This is the sound of surviving
This is my farewell to fear
This is my whole heart deciding
I’m still here, I’m still here
And I’m not done fighting
No, I’m not done fighting
And I am still rising, rising
I’m still rising
And I’m not done fighting
This is the sound of surviving”

Life isn’t without it’s trials.  Everyone is fighting a battle of some kind.  For me, the last 13 months have been filled with many battles.  Wars that waged on.  Some I lost, and some I won.  And the majority of which few, if any, knew about.

I’ve always felt like I had to be everyone’s rock.  I had to remain strong even when it felt like my own world was crashing down around me. Never break. At least not in front of anyone.  Plus, I know that in my life I have so many things to be thankful for.  I’ve been able to experience things that some only dream of.  And because of that I find it difficult to share when I’m struggling, because in my head all I tell myself is “you need to shut up and get over it. Others are going through much worse”.

Last week, I had an experience with someone that was unplanned and cut me to the bone.  A moment where my flaws were unexpectedly laid out before me and opinions were expressed about me (professionally) that I hadn’t anticipated.  Now don’t get me wrong, I value criticism and am always looking for ways to grow.  Those closest to me can tell you that no one is harder on me than myself.  I am constantly identifying flaws and working to fix them (and trust me I have many).  But when I’m placed in a situation where the only thing identified are my flaws, I take a step back.  I retreat into myself.  I cut myself off from others.  I go inward in hopes of closing the walls and better protecting myself.

And as you know, we weren’t meant to walk this road alone. And time and time again I’m grateful for the extremely patient friends of mine who will seek me out when I try to retreat. Who will bombard me until I come back.

But when I heard this song by Nichole, I wept. It spoke to every part of me.  Especially the lines…

I’m still here
Say it to the ache, lying there awake
Say it to your tears
I’m still here
Say it to the pain, say it to the rain
Say it to your fear

We don’t grow when we’re comfortable.  We don’t grow when everything is great.  I think about a seed. When a seed grows, it starts in the darkness.  It begins in the depths.  Seeds don’t grow just by sitting out in the sun.  And then there’s the rain.  The rain feeds it.

I share this post with you to say the simple truth of, you’re not alone. You’re still here.  You are stronger than the giants that may be rising against you.  And in the moments where you feel like the pain in your life is suffocating you and drowning out your joy, that’s when you have to lean on others who will remind you of the worth that you hold within you.

And in those moments of utter despair, scream out the words “I’m still here”.  As Nichole says, say it to the ache, say it to your tears, say it to the pain, say it to your fears.

Sometimes the simple act of sharing your own struggles can remind someone that they’re not alone and that they aren’t the only ones going through something.

In this moment, I choose to say, I’m still here.